Intimate connection with the One!
“You can take me away from me, but not the essence I was born with”
We have always heard that God lies within us, but I am sure there must be some incidents engraved in your mind where you felt that you wanted God to be with you, but He left you on your fate. And you needed clarification, questioning all the faith and life values you were taught to follow. Yes, it happens to all of us!
So, here I am sharing something similar: I, too, questioned all the beliefs and values that changed my life in just five days.
I was in the hostel for my Master, and like any other evening, She called up to ask me about my day, what I ate, and if I was doing fine. But I cut the conversation short as I was busy preparing my presentation for the next day and asked her if we could talk later. By now, you know whom I am talking about. Yes, it was my mother!
She was my strength and inspiration. Despite all the odds, she was the only one amongst her six siblings who did her Masters and started a job in a post office until this evening; she worked in a bank in a senior position.
It is her upbringing that has shaped me into what I am today. She programmed my subconscious to create the right place for me in this world. That evening, She sounded different. I couldn’t figure out that difference somehow until the next day.
So, the next day, 13th September 2007, when I was having lunch with my classmates just a few minutes before my presentation, my phone rang, and I saw an unexpected name at this time of the day.
It was my cousin, and he said, “Chachi (Aunty) met with an accident; she is hospitalized but nothing to worry about. Although we are all there with her, you must come back.”
My world shook suddenly, and I was in a state of disbelief. I rushed immediately. My cousin made all the arrangements for me to reach my hometown at the earliest, and my brother was on his way back. She was in ICU for five days, and we lost her in just the blink of an eye!
Temporarily, my world turned upside down. I cursed God, our family’s destiny; I cursed whoever hit her. Now my inner battle with God began. I had a list of questions for Him but no one to answer. I was in a state of belief crisis, hovering in every possible space that could give me this clarity of beliefs and their existence. The process took me 14 years to find those answers where I could reinstate my beliefs in existence once again.
The Ultimate and Our Existence
He tested my patience and saw that hunger in me to know- What makes us who we are, despite being born from the Ultimate? Why does he take away the people with good hearts? Why can’t we design our own destiny?
Soon, I met my spiritual mentor to unfold my inner layers. And he beautifully explained it in these simple words. So, here are my core learnings about Him-The Ultimate!
I realized that we all are connected with one, but still, we carry anger, and I came across the concept of –Aham Brahmasami.
He is like an ocean, and we are just a drop.
He is the ball of fire, and we are the size of a matchstick.
I am 1% of him, and the rest He has left me in my will.
My will is to fill whatever I wish or want in my life journey.
So, how am I filling my 99%? I had to introspect if I was filled with faith, trust, belief, calmness, conviction, doubts, fears, misgiving, hatred, anger, and anxiety.
As the journey continues, I keep getting my answers, and my journey to Explore Him begins within me!
